


Black and white

by carxies



Series: Almost like fate [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU where Bokuto and Akaashi didn't go to same high school, Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, So far daily updates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:06:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6196213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carxies/pseuds/carxies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His day goes as any other, it's boring and little lonely, but Akaashi doesn't complain. Who would he complain to anyway ? The cactus on his desk that he isn't sure if is still alive ? The pile of papers beside it ? No, he gave up on complaining. Sure, this wasn't a dream job, dealing with documents that others were too lazy to fill, but it made him enough money to pay a rent of his small apartment and the bus rides that took too long. And it wasn't like he had anything else to do beside his work, so he didn't miss anything.</p><p>At the end of the day, Akaashi is too tired to be mad that his spot is taken again, even worse, by the same person.</p><p>Or, Akaashi's spot in the bus is taken one day and it makes him slowly realise that life should be more than rules and stereotypes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Next to the window

The sun is still asleep and it makes Akaashi envious, because he is freezing on the familiar bus stop just like every morning. His mood doesn't get much better when the bus finally comes, full of people, and his usual spot taken by a stranger. He decides that his cold and tired body isn't capable of standing for the next 45 minutes, so he sits down next to him, even though he _hates_ not sitting next to the window. He doesn't pay much attention to man beside him and Akaashi is glad that he is the first one to get out of the bus, since people climbing over him or asking him to get up isn't exactly his favourite thing in the world. Mostly because he gets grumpy and has to control himself not to be rude.

 

His day goes as any other, it's boring and little lonely, but Akaashi doesn't complain. Who would he complain to anyway ? The cactus on his desk that he isn't sure if is still alive ? The pile of papers beside it ? No, he gave up on complaining. Sure, this wasn't a dream job, dealing with documents that others were too lazy to fill, but it made him enough money to pay a rent of his small apartment and the bus rides that took too long. And it wasn't like he had anything else to do beside his work, so he didn't miss anything.

 

At the end of the day, Akaashi is too tired to be mad that his spot is taken again, _even worse_ , by the same person. He sits down next to him once more and stares at his own hands until he is distracted by annoying sound of opening a plastic bag. When he sees it's a bag of potato chips that its owner is now happily eating, he gathers enough energy to be irritated, because you shouldn't be eating in public transports. He doesn't know for how long he stabs the poor bag with stares till a voice of a stranger drags his sight to himself.

 

"Do you want some ?"

"What ?" Akaashi almost snaps at him.

"The chips. You've been staring at it for like ten minutes already. You can have some if you want," the stranger smiles at him and his anger suddenly leaves his body.

 

It's dark outside and the bus lights are pretty weak, but Akaashi is still sure that he has one of those always shining, almost childish eyes, based on how bright his smile is. He hesitates, however his stomach is well aware that these chips are his favourite flavour and his heart is melting at the kind act towards a total stranger.

 

"If you don't mind," he replies quietly and reaches in the bag.

 

Once his mouth is half full and he is chewing as happily as the man beside him, he realises that it's him who's breaking the rules now and he is not sure how to feel about it.

 

Akaashi lives his life by rules, he never breaks them. He is never late for work, even if it means being on the spot 20 minutes early. He isn't playing games or go through social networks while he's at work like everyone else. He always patiently waits for a sigh to cross the street and he had never cheated during a test in school. Akaashi is a man of rules. Yet he can't bring himself to care at this moment, which is confusing for him.

 

"You know you shouldn't be eating these here, _right_ ?" he asks, even if he hates small talk, especially with people that he doesn't know.

"Yeah, but sometimes you have to break the rules to get what your heart desires," the man next to him replies in a serious tone and Akaashi has to laugh.

"That's such a serious quote to use about potato chips."

 

Akaashi manages to lay a few glances on him and to his surprise, he likes what he sees. The stranger catches him looking, giving him a smile, and normally Akaashi would turn away immediately, but the gesture is so warm that his own lips curl up as well.

 

The small talk between them continues and Akaashi finds himself actually enjoying it, getting lost between the words that slip through the stranger's lips. Akaashi adores how he chooses beautiful, almost poetic expressions to describe such simple things, like how he saw a kitten on his way to work. He also learns that his hair is black and white not to make a fashion statement, or stand out, but he simply couldn't choose between the two colours. Akaashi must approve this decision and curses his little gay heart as he almost forgets to get out. He hears a loud laughter behind him when he rushes out of the damn bus.

 

The next day, he gets to sit on his spot. And the day after, and the day after, and the day after. Akaashi normally doesn't notice strangers, but the one from the other day is still in the back of his mind. Perhaps it's because Akaashi broke a rule because of him, for the first time in years. It's such a simple thing, but he doesn't seem to be able to let go. It makes him consider his own life and he hates it, because a stranger shouldn't have such impact on him. Yet this one did. And when he gets on the bus four days after it, he feels something he can't quite lay a finger on when he sees his spot is taken by the chips eater. He almost rushes over so he can sit next to him, even if he thinks that not sitting next to the window is the worst, so nobody else does. It's stupid and not very adult like, but he couldn't care less, because the stranger gives him a smile as soon as he notices it's him, which means he _remembers_ him.

 

It's a sleepy smile that reminds Akaashi how tired he really is, so he isn't surprised when a sleepiness slowly takes over his body. What does surprise him is when he is woke up with an arm around his shoulders. Strong, warm arm. He snaps awake and jerks forwards, looking at the man beside him. The shock continues once Akaashi sees that he is looking out of the window like nothing unusual is going on. He catches Akaashi's look in the reflection on the window and pulls himself away.

 

"Ah, sorry. You kept almost falling over in every turn, but you looked tired, so I didn't want to wake you up."

"What if I needed to get out ?"

"From what I remember, your stop is the penultimate one."

 

That is .. very true. Akaashi's face feels warm and his mouth is dry for some strange reason. This person first fed him, and then made sure he slept fine. He at least needs a name to match with the kind smile.

 

"Thank you, for this and the chips the other day. I'm Akaashi," he reaches out and hopes his voice sounds better out loud than in his head.

"Bokuto, and it's not a big deal," the stranger, _no, Bokuto_ , laughs.


	2. Let it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bokuto looks serious and daring and maybe it's the alcohol in his veins, but Akaashi does just that. 
> 
> "Continue," Bokuto encourages him once he stops to catch his breath, "Let out what you've been holding inside."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has some swearing in it

The work doesn't seem to ever end. Once Akaashi finishes one paper, another two take its place on his desk. It might be because he actually can't wait to go home. A tiny part of him hopes that Bokuto will be there again, but he doesn't admit that even to himself. And when he thinks that it couldn't get worse, his boss walks in the office with many desks just Akaashi's and announces there will be a business party this Friday. That itself wouldn't be as bad, but then he also adds that everyone should bring a plus one. Akaashi wants to throw a stapler on him, because where should he get someone to bring ?

 

"And don't forget that this is a representative party of the company, so it's mandatory for _everyone_ here."

 

The stapler almost whispers, _throw me Akaashi,_ _throw me_. _You will get fired, but that means you won't be embarrassed in front of your colleagues for not having any friends_.

 

Of course that when he sees Bokuto, he is relieved. He slumps beside him and is greeted with a smile.

 

"Hey, long day ?"

"You wouldn't believe," Akaashi admits.

"How come ?"

 

Akaashi doesn't know why, but he ends up telling Bokuto everything about his day- about his stupid colleagues, boss, broken printer, almost dead cactus and even about the party.

 

"What's so wrong about it ? You get free food and drinks," Bokuto states, and it's true, but Akaashi can't focus on this part of it.

"Yeah, but we have to bring someone with us."

"Ah. Your friends don't want to come ?"

 

Akaashi decides not to lie. What for ? Sure, Bokuto will think he's a total loser, but he had no other reason not to tell him.

 

"The thing is, I don't have any friends."

"What ?!"

"Yeah."

"Well, I don't really understand it, because you are really lovely, so starting today we are friends. And I will go with you. It doesn't have to be a woman, right ?"

 

Akaashi stares at the man beside him. He is simply unbelievable. He managed to compliment him, state that they're friends and announce that he is his Friday date in one sentence. And Akaashi is unbelievably grateful for that.

 

"Are you sure ? You don't have to go."

"I want to."

 

The three words play in Akaashi's ears even on the Friday evening when he's getting ready. He even puts an effort in what he looks like, mainly so he won't embarrass Bokuto. The time is breathing down his neck when he rushes out of the flat. He doesn't miss the bus, luckily, and he gets to sit on his spot, because he will meet Bokuto on the bus stop where he always gets out.

 

When he meets his new friend, he is pretty sure that he forgot how to speak. Is it even possible to look this good in a suit ? Akaashi suddenly feels small and hideous, because Bokuto looks glorious, yet like he didn't try at all. Damn him. However, he is glad to have him by his side once they enter the building and few of his co-workers greet him. It's kind of childish, but Akaashi puffs his chest as they walk around; none of his colleagues' plus one looks as good as _his_.

 

The party itself isn't that bad, at least until Akashi's boss doesn't get drunk and start shouting at him in front of all the people, and Bokuto. Akaashi manages to keep his head cool, but once his boss is finally dragged away by his wife, he clenches his fists and of course, _Bokuto notices._

 

"Akaashi, come on," he says and Akaashi follows him god knows where.

 

It turns out that Bokuto has great sense of orientation and he brings Akaashi to the roof of the building, _somehow_. Akaashi isn't sure how; he didn't really pay attention.

He expects Bokuto to tell him to cool down, but the taller man doesn't do that. Instead, he turns to Akaashi with wild eyes and says: "Scream."

 

"What ?"

"I know you're angry. And I bet that you are the kind of person who lets it pile up inside but never lets it out. So scream. Let it out."

 

Bokuto looks serious and daring and maybe it's the alcohol in his veins, but Akaashi does just that. He screams from the top of his lungs. It's an ugly sound but it feels good.

 

"Continue," Bokuto encourages him once he stops to catch his breath, "Let out what you've been holding inside."

 

"Fuck the guy who made fun of me in front of everyone on the first day of high school !" He shouts the first thing that comes to his mind.

 

"Yeah, fuck that guy !" Bokuto yells to support him and it's enough to make him keep going.

"Fuck the jerks that bullied me in college!"

"Fuck those guys !" Bokuto echoes again.

"FUCK MY PARENTS FOR KICKING ME OUT WHEN I WAS 18 ! FUCK THEM FOR MAKING ME FEEL WORTHLESS! FUCK THEM !"

 

This time, Bokuto remains silent while Akaashi breathes heavily, but it only lasts for a few seconds. Then the door open, security guy standing it in and he looks anything but pleased to see them there. Akaashi is ready to apologize, however Bokuto grabs his hand and pulls him around the security guy, quickly climbing down the stairs. Akaashi follows him without thinking about it twice and then it happens. Bokuto grabs his hand again, this time he intertwines his fingers with Akaashi's thin ones, so they don't slip away, and they run. Out of the building and away from it till they can't see it. Perhaps it's the alcohol, but Akaashi would run forever if it meant having Bokuto's hand warming his own.

 

They end up in the non-stop fast food with table full of food, which Bokuto paid for. As soon as they sit down, Akaashi laughs. The man sitting in front of him looks at him a bit confused, but then he grins.

 

"Are you okay ?"

"That was crazy ! Do you do this often ?"

"What ?" Bokuto chuckles with mouth half full, "Shout from the top of the building ? No."

"But it was fun ! And the running ! I've never felt this excited ! Is this what they call adrenaline ?"

"I'm pretty sure, yeah. Akaashi, can I ask you something ?"

"Yeah."

"Why did your parents kick you out ?"

"Hmm. They didn't agree with anything in my life, what I wanted to study, what job I wanted, how I wanted to look, my sexuality. Anything."

 

Bokuto nods and thinks for a while, then he snaps his fingers and looks at Akaashi like he just found the answer to the world peace.

 

"You should make a list of things that you couldn't and didn't do because of them or other people."

 

Akaashi nods and finds a pen in his pocket, writing on a dirty paper that his burger was wrapped in.


	3. That's the first one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi stares at him. It's the first time he gets to see Bokuto in daylight, not under ugly orange lights or bright white ones. No, he sees him when the sun is still low and his hair is messy because he just woke up, but he still looks good and he still genuinely cares about Akaashi. It makes his heart pump more blood than is necessary to his face and ears. He can't tear his eyes away. And he likes it.

With full stomach, they manage to catch one of the last buses. Bokuto _insists_ that he will get out with Akaashi to walk him home, and even if Akaashi secretly likes the idea, he refuses. This way he learns that Bokuto doesn't take no as an answer. Few pouts later, Akaashi gives up, deciding to to negotiate.

 

"You can walk me home. But only if you stay the night. If I can't walk alone in the night, you can't either."

 

Bokuto agrees and minutes later he's settled on Akaashi's sofa, falling asleep in an instant. Akaashi takes his time to make sure his friend is comfortable and well covered with the duvet before he goes to sleep himself.

 

The following morning Bokuto is still snoring when Akaashi wakes up. He thinks it will be for the best to let him sleep a bit longer and have some time to think in piece over his morning cup of coffee. He finds the dirty paper with scribbled words on it, half of them hardly readable, and stares at it.

 

He's known Bokuto just for a few days, but he already has such impact on him. And he likes it. He liked to scream and run and eat unhealthy food in the middle of night. _He likes the person he is with Bokuto._

He also likes Bokuto. His pun and jokes and stupid poems about everyday things. Bokuto is dynamite thrown in his life and Akaashi can't wait to explode.

 

He writes down about another 20 things before Bokuto walks into the kitchen and sits beside him, grabbing his cup and finishing his coffee. Then he steals the paper from Akaashi.

 

" _Akaashi_ ," he whines, "Can you re-write it ? I can't read it."

"Why ?"

"So we can do all these things."

"Bokuto-san, these were things I wanted to do in high school, probably."

 

Bokuto turns to him with that serious expression like he's gonna tell him the secret of the universe and says: "Akaashi, listen to me."

 

Akaashi nods and he continues.

 

"I don't care if you wanted these things when you were 5 or 15. The point is, you never got to do them. So you got shaped into totally different person than you wanted to be, right ? If you have done them, don't you think you would grow up other way ? I mean, I think you're really great, but the thing is, do you ? You seem to be always holding back, aren't you ? Do you like your life exactly how it is ? If you do, then it's completely okay, but if not, it's time to change it."

 

Akaashi stares at him. It's the first time he gets to see Bokuto in daylight, not under ugly orange lights or bright white ones. No, he sees him when the sun is still low and his hair is messy because he just woke up, but he still looks good and he still genuinely cares about Akaashi. It makes his heart pump more blood than is necessary to his face and ears. He can't tear his eyes away. And he likes it.

 

"You're right."

 

\--

 

Akaashi waits in front of Bokuto's flat, playing with the new list between his fingers. Once Bokuto comes out, in clean clothes and fixed hair, he takes the paper and studies it again quickly. Then he grins and puts it in his pocket.

 

"I know what we're doing first. What you're doing first."

"What ?"

"Surprise !" Bokuto declaims and Akaashi doesn't ask any further.

 

However, when they stop in front of a tattoo shop, Akaashi realises that he isn't as cool as Bokuto is.

 

"Oh no."

"Don't you worry," Bokuto wraps his arm around Akaashi's shoulders, "This guy is awesome. You can totally trust him."

 

Akaashi trusts Bokuto. But then they walk inside and Akaashi feels like passing out. The tall guy greeting Bokuto looks like he knows every dark secret about Akaashi and is ready to use them anytime. After listening to their talk, however, he realises that the stranger sounds like an absolute sweetheart, who just can't help his own face. Akaashi himself has bitch-resting face after all, so he has no right to judge. That doesn't stop him from doubting his wish from the time when he was 17.

 

"Kuroo, Akaashi here wants to get his ear pierced," Bokuto announces happily.

 

The Kuroo person checks Akaashi out and then nods in approval.

 

"It will look sick on him, bro."

" _Sick_ ?" Akaashi yelps.

"Sick as awesome, Akaashi," Bokuto laughs.

 

Akaashi is send to pick some earring, but he's too nervous to pick, so entrusts it to Bokuto. He has a good sense of fashion if anything. Kuroo leads Akaashi to the chair that looks like the one that dentists have and starts preparing his stuff, including a needle that is _too_ _big_ for Akaashi's liking. However, he's already got so far, there's no way he will run away now.

 

"If you're nervous, close your eyes. It helps many people when they actually can't see the needle close to their faces," Kuroo tells him and Akaashi apologizes in his head, because this Kuroo person sounds naturally kind like Bokuto is.

 

He closes his eyes and tries to think of nice things. Flowers, beach, Bokuto in the morning ..

 

"Don't worry, it will be over before you can even feel anything," a breath tickles his cheek and drags him away from his thoughts.

 

And he is _totally_ right. When Akaashi is told to open his eyes, Kuroo holds a mirror in front of his face and Bokuto is leaning to him, grinning. He takes a look and _oh god, he's really done it_. He studies the earring that Bokuto brought and is left in awe. It's tiny dragon from surgical steel, as Kuroo teaches him, and it looks amazing, he can't help but touch it.

 

"You like it, Akaashi ?"

 

Akaashi nods in respond and Bokuto with Kuroo exchange a loud high-five before a bro-fist and another ten different gestures.

 

Kuroo lets them leave without paying, saying that whoever is Bokuto's bro is his bro, and Akaashi doesn't like to be called that, but lets it slip by, because he just got a piercing for free. Bokuto pulls the paper from his pocket along with a pen and crosses one word of the list.

 

"That's the first one. How do you feel, Akaashi ?"

"Good, actually. Thank you," Akaashi admits.

 

When he lies in the bed that night, he can't stop touching his ear and think about how Bokuto says his name almost every time he speaks to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am obsessed with pierced ears ..


	4. Addictive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Akaashi, it looks awesome !" Bokuto calls as he rushes to the room.
> 
> Akaashi chuckles at how often Bokuto says awesome and quickly wipes his eyes.
> 
> "You think ?"

The following Monday is full of surprises. Almost everyone takes their time to stop Akaashi to compliment his new piercing or friend, even his _boss_ , who comes to apologize for his behavior. It's such a tiny change, yet every time Akaashi catches his own reflection, he barely recognizes himself.

 

He meets Bokuto again on Friday. He looks great like always, although he wears just casual black jeans and t-shirt.

 

"Akaashi, I have decided !" he calls as soon as he sees Akaashi.

When he gets a confused look from the dark-haired man, he adds: "We will do one thing from the list every weekend. Sounds good, right ?"

 

"Yeah. What do you wanna do this weekend then ?"

"Paint your bedroom," Bokuto says and points to a giant bag over his shoulder, "I brought my stuff so I can stay over and help you. Kuroo said that two days should be enough for us to do it."

 

His mind goes wild like an animal let out of its cage for the first time. _He gets to spend the weekend with Bokuto ?_ What if he embarrasses himself ? Bokuto can't sleep on the sofa for two nights, it's way too old and uncomfortable. But he can't share the bed with him either. Maybe he could lend him the bed and sleep on the sofa himself.

 

His worries float away when Bokuto throws an arm around his shoulders and tells him they have to go get the paints first. They walk close to each other, Bokuto's voice filling the space between them as he speaks about his day, although Akaashi still can't lay a finger on what Bokuto actually does for living. Akaashi tells him that his co-workers liked his piercing, which is followed by _'Of course they did, Akaashi, it looks amazing on you'_ and _'Kuroo said he hoped to see you again'._

 

In the store, Akaashi discovers that Bokuto is an actual child inside. He can only watch as he runs from isle to isle, pointing on all the colours that he likes and gathering a whole embrace of brushes of different shapes and sizes. Akaashi _must_ take a picture of him like this and he does, making Bokuto pout before running off while Akaashi tries to catch up with the trolley.

 

When it comes to paying for everything, Bokuto argues that he wants to pay, because he's treating him. Akaashi disagrees, but after few _'But Akaashi'_ s, they settle with splitting the bill. They grab a lunch on their way to Akaashi's flat and once they're inside, Bokuto is immediately ready to work. Meaning taking of his t-shirt and changing into one that looks older before they even get to the living room. Akaashi tries not to study his muscles as he does so, but it seems like an impossible task. Who could blame Akaashi though ?

 

"Akaashi, can you read the instructions and shit while I move the furniture away ?"

"I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be doing that alone, Bokuto-san."

"And I'm pretty sure I can do it just fine," Bokuto straightens up so he looks even taller.

 

Akaashi sights but nods anyway, he knows that there's no point in telling Bokuto he can't do something, and hopes that no harm will happen in next 30 minutes.

 

It turns out that Bokuto indeed _can_ do it himself just fine, because Akaashi's bedroom is soon almost empty and Akasshi shouldn't be this impressed, he saw the muscles, however, he still is. They cover the carpet with the foil they bought before Bokuto sits down in the middle of the room leg crossed and looks up at Akaashi. It's incredible that man this tall and muscular still manages to look this adorable.

 

"Akaashi, since you didn't get to go to art school like you wanted, you could do some of your sketches on the walls. I think it would be awesome. Like graffiti but better."

 

"I'm not sure if I can do that."

"Why ? They're beautiful."

 

Akaashi is _sure_ he is blushing.

 

"I've never shown them to anyone."

"You should ! I love them. I bet Kuroo would love them too !"

 

He thinks for a second. Bokuto wouldn't lie. He would probably told him if he didn't like them with thoughtful reason why. So he ends up sitting beside Bokuto and handing his his thick sketchbook, which Bokuto studies carefully and comments every single drawing, saying what caught his eye as first and what he liked about it. They pick top three that Bokuto suggests Akaashi try to combine into a collage.

 

Bokuto cooks them a dinner while Akaashi is left to sketch on the empty wall. He can hear Bokuto humming and singing from the kitchen, even if it's quiet. He suddenly feels small and overwhelmed, because he can't remember a last time when he felt this comfortable. He can't remember the last time when someone paid him their full attention like Bokuto does. He can't name a single person beside Bokuto that tried to understand Akaashi, get to know him. _Not a single person._

The thought of _not_ catching the bus that day, _not_ meeting Bokuto, brings tears to his eyes and he doesn't care because he's alone in the room. Alone but not _lonely_ anymore. Certain loud child is filling the emptiness. They were people who brought out the worst of Akaashi and they were some who tried to bring the best, however, Bokuto was different. He brought out the most of Akaashi, both good and bad. It was strangely addictive to feel so alive. But Bokuto was willing to take Akaashi with him, wherever it was, and Akaashi was ready to take whatever Bokuto was giving and give all he had.

 

"Akaashi, it looks awesome !" Bokuto calls as he rushes to the room.

 

Akaashi chuckles at how often Bokuto says awesome and quickly wipes his eyes. Bokuto is beside him in instant, staring the wall in front of them. Then he wraps his arms around Akaashi's shoulders, pulling him into a bit awkward side hug, but Akaashi couldn't care less. He leans into the taller man and asks quietly: "You think ?"

 

" _I know it,_ " Bokuto whispers back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sooo cheesy and I feel bad for Akaashi


	5. Wolf, fox and bear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi might blush because of this. Stupid Bokuto.

The food is .. special. It's not the best thing Akaashi has eaten, but also not the worst. Somewhere in the middle. It's _edible_. The kitchen isn't in that bad state either, nothing is burnt and there are only two dirty pots on the stove.

 

"Bokuto-san, do you cook often ?" Akaashi asks after he finishes chewing.

"I'm sure you can tell that I don't," Bokuto chuckles, "If it's too bad, I will order something."

 

He  shakes head and continues eating. It's not like he would refuse something that Bokuto took time to cook for him. And he is still a better cook than Akaashi.

 

After the dinner, they split the work with cleaning up and then head back to Akaashi's bedroom. Akaashi studies the sketch from all the different angles to make sure the composition and proportions are right while he also explains it to Bokuto.

 

"How comes you know these things even though you didn't go to the art school ?" he asks, genuinely interested like always.

 

"Self teaching kind of thing," Akaashi shrugs, "Like some articles and videos."

 

Bokuto nods and then he says: "Akaashi, I think it's not too late. To go to the art college."

"I don't think I could afford it even if I made it through."

 

"Kuroo couldn't afford it and he got some scholarship. He did some exams and they thought he was talented enough to have it. And I think you might be even better than he is," he grins, "Don't tell him though. I don't know how exactly it was but I can always ask him."

 

"I will think about it."

 

They decide it will be for the best to leave the actual painting for the morning with natural light and settle in the living room, watching some stupid action movie. Bokuto has apparently already seen it, because before every fight, he grabs his arm, which is followed by _'Wait for it, Akaashi!'_. The scenes are all predictable, the plot has plenty holes in it, but he watches it anyway. And although he's trying his best to pay attention to the tv, he cannot not notice how excited Bokuto gets when the villian gets kicked in the face and how he hisses when the main character receives a punch himself. He even mumbles the lines he remembers with the characters and then pouts when Akaashi chuckle.

After Akaashi yawns for the first time, Bokuto is immediately on feet and moves his bed next to the sofa in the living room. They both lie there, Bokuto narrating about his childhood until Akaashi's eyelids are too heavy and he falls asleep.

 

When he lifts them again, it's already morning, but the man beside him is still sleeping peacefully. His t-shirt is messy and rumpled, and he doesn't smell the best after sweating the day before, but Akaashi doesn't mind.

 

 He sneaks out of the living room to make them both a breakfast, which he brings back to the bed, and once Bokuto is awake, he comments it with _'Akaashi, you're the man of dreams of many'._ Akaashi might blush because of this. Stupid Bokuto.

 

After emptying the plates and brushing teeth together, which is awfully domestic, they get back to Akaashi's room. The daylight uncovers few little mistakes and Akaashi has time to fix them while Bokuto is too busy fixing his hair. Akaashi might like it better when it's messy and all over the place, but he would never admit that.

The painting process takes a whole day. They of course take short breaks, most of them filled with drinking beer and eating snacks and Bokuto giving Akaashi small hand massages, because he's been working with all these delicate brushes. It feels nice, even though Akaashi would bet that Bokuto has no idea that his touch is sending tiny electric shocks through Akaashi's body. The taller man also makes sure to compliment him every ten minutes, making him wish he wouldn't blush so easily.

 

They fall onto the bed in tiredness once the sun goes down.

 

When Akaashi wakes up the next morning, it's not peaceful. What wakes him up is Bokuto squealing. For some strange reason. He isn't surprised though, Bokuto's a morning person, if such thing even exists.

 

Akaashi forces his sleepy body to follow the noise.

 

"Akaashi, it looks so awesome !" Bokuto calls.

"Bokuto-san, it's so early," he whines back.

 

But then he looks at the wall and he must agree. He can't believe that it's _his_ job.

 

"I'm sending this to Kuroo," Bokuto announces as he takes a picture.

 

They go out for the breakfast before starting the worst part of the whole process- cleaning up. Bokuto doesn't seem to mind doing it, he hums the entire time. Akaashi is not as happy about it, but it's much easier with a help, so he doesn't complain. He lets Bokuto carry the furniture back without protesting.

 

After Bokuto leave, he just sits on the bed and stares at the wall in front of him. And the wolf, fox and bear heads stare at him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much shorter .. for some reasons. I just can't wait for the next one


	6. Not supposed to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He quickly takes his phone and cactus, before winking at the man and leaves the room followed by the applause by few of his ex co-workers. He will have to come back and fill all the papers, but that's the last thing he worries about. He rushes to the bathroom on the first floor and locks himself inside, finally calming down, only to come to a terrible discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to realise that this fic is full of Akaashi not being surprised by things .. I guess Akaashi would be this kind of person though

Akaashi isn't surprised when he's the first one in the office again. He has time to drink his coffee and take care of his cactus. The place starts to fill with people about twenty minutes later, but he's already drowning in work. _Stamp here, turn around, stamp there, put away, take another paper, repeat._ The song that Bokuto was singing last weekend is now stuck in his head and he hums it quietly, hoping no one can hear him. The mentioned man sends him funny pictures with animals all morning, forcing Akaashi to turn his phone into a silent mode, which hasn’t ever been needed.

 

His co-worker, Takuma, shares a few words with him. It's nothing serious but oddly nice. He even gives Akaashi an advice about his cactus.

 

"What were you up to this weekend ?" Takuma asks with a smile, even if he's never spoken to Akaashi before.

 

"We were actually painting my bedroom. Tiring but somehow relaxing," he chuckles.

"We ?"

"Oh, me and my friend. The one who was at the party, if you remember him."

"I do. I thought you two were, erm," he rubs the back of his neck and whispers, " _dating_."

 

Akaashi widens his eyes. Does is look like he and Bokuto are dating ? They aren't, Bokuto only claimed to be his friend.

 

"We're not," he yelps.

"Really ? That's awkward, man," Takuma smiles sheepishly, "You two were holding hands and you were looking at each other like- I'm sorry."

"No, no, it's okay. Bokuto can be a little, _you know_."

"That's good, I guess. I'm sorry that boss was like that to you though."

"I have no idea what got into him," Akaashi admits.

 

Takuma looks around, then leans closer to Akaashi and whispers: "He's fucking homophobic, that's what got into him."

 

Akaashi's soul leaves his body. His boss knows ? That's why he's been a dick towards Akaashi ? Sure, he wasn't dating Bokuto, but that didn't change a thing. When he stays quiet for long enough, Takuma continues: "I have this article about gay marriage and I'm ready to be shouted at. Just watch."

 

"Are you .. not straight ?" Akaashi asks.

"I am, but I think it's ridiculous that people who love each other can't get married because of their gender. Don't you ?"

 

Akaashi nods. This whole time, he had no idea that someone as nice was his colleague. It's a shame he finds out only now. He spends another hour talking to Takuma before they both pay full attention to their jobs again.

 

Takuma's words turn into reality shortly before lunch break. The loud shouting voice fills the whole room once he walks out of the boss' office, giving Akaashi a knowing look. Takuma barely has time to sit down when the man storms into the room, stopping in the middle so everyone can see him. He looks furious.

 

"I hope that ALL of you realise that I do not tolerate some disgusting dick-suckers in this office! **THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!** “

 

Akaashi and Takuma only look at each other, while no one else seems to be bothered at all. That makes the man shout even louder, but his sentences are full of pathetic insults and swear words, without making any sense.

 

"And if ANYONE," he shoots a look towards Akaashi, "thinks that they can bring someone like that to our party, you are mistaken ! You disgust me !"

 

 

 _'What the fuck are you doing, Akaashi ?!_ ' plays in his head.

 

 

It wasn't about his job, it was about Bokuto. His boss was insulting Bokuto that night. He was insulting the kindest person he's even known. The person who gave his food to a stranger, and agreed to go to the stupid party in a first place. The person who took time to find out about Akaashi's dreams and wishes.

 

This man wasn't insulting just him, but also the person he loved.

 

Akaashi stands up and glares at his boss, losing his cool head.

 

"I hope you realise that you're the only dick here," he says, surprisingly calmly.

"What did you say ?! You little dick-sucker !"

"You are repeating yourself."

 

Before he can shout again, Akaashi continues: "An opinion is an opinion only as long as it doesn't restrict other people's rights. And yours does just that. So you're supporting restricting of human rights and you disgust me so thoroughly that I think I'm seriously going to be sick. I was letting that slip by for a long enough, but not anymore."

 

"And what are you gonna do, you little shit ?"

"I'll start with telling your wife that you've been cheating on her for the past year."

"You wouldn't dare !"

"Oh I do dare."

"You are fired !"

"No, I end here. If I'm supposed to be working under a dick, I would prefer it to be my boyfriend's."

 

He quickly takes his phone and cactus, before winking at the man and leaves the room followed by the applause by few of his ex co-workers. He will have to come back and fill all the papers, but that's the last thing he worries about. He rushes to the bathroom on the first floor and locks himself inside, finally calming down, only to come to a terrible discovery.

 

The person he loved. No, no, no, this feeling wasn't supposed to be there. He wasn't supposed to love his friend. His only friend. Yet ..

 

It was in front of him the whole time. He's always liked Bokuto's smile and stupid quotes. He's always blushed when Bokuto said something nice about him. He's always felt safe around Bokuto. He's always used Bokuto as a focal point.

 

_He's never seen Bokuto as just friend._

 

He slumps down on the cold floor and takes his phone, shaking finding Bokuto's number and calling it. He answers almost immediately.

 

"Akaashi, hey, have you seen the last video ?" he calls happily and Akaashi has to chuckle, even if it sounds terrible.

"Yes, Bokuto-san, it was funny," he chokes on his tears and takes a deep breath.

"Akaashi, are you okay ? What happened ?"

"I was .. I was wondering, if .. If you could come pick me up, from work, maybe ? Now ? No. Forget it, you're probably busy, I'm sorry.."

 

Before he can hang up, he hears simple _'I'll be there soon'_ and Bokuto ends the call himself. It sounds so serious and worried and so not like Bokuto that it only makes him cry more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy I finally got to this point :D


	7. I'm glad you're here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi doesn't question how a cactus can remind someone of their friend. This is Bokuto, after all.

When his phone rings, Akaashi automatically knows it's Bokuto.

 

"Akaashi, I'm outside, where are you ?"

"I'll be there in a minute."

 

He stumbles to his feet and washes his face before taking the cactus and making his way out of the building to find Bokuto standing there nervously. When he sees the disaster that Akaashi probably is, his face drops.

 

The next thing he knows is that Bokuto is hugging him, not caring that he still holds the half dead cactus. In order to save Bokuto, who is currently squashed into the spines of Akaashi's not so beloved plant, he wiggles his hand from between them and hugs him back with his free arm. Bokuto settles with this and strokes Akaashi's shoulder blades. _If only his boss could see him now._

Now that he thinks about it, he announced that he has a boyfriend in front of everyone, but he is totally single. Sadly.

 

"Akaashi, are you okay ?" Bokuto breaks the silence.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I don't have a job anymore though."

"What ? Why ?"

"I quit."

 

Bokuto doesn't ask any further and Akaashi is grateful for that, because he has no idea how to explain the situation to Bokuto. They walk to the bus stop quietly, Akaashi more dragging his feet along the ground than walking. They have to wait for another 15 minutes and during this time, Bokuto studies the cactus before he says: "It reminds me of my friend Konoha. Does it have a name ?"

 

Akaashi doesn't question how a cactus can remind someone of their friend. _This is Bokuto, after all._

"No. I guess I could call it Konoha."

 

The silence falls upon them again. It continues even after they get on the bus, where they sit like they usually do, and Bokuto plays with Akaashi's hair to calm him down. It's the first time that Bokuto is quiet for so long, and Akaashi feels a little guilty, but he can't find the right words to approach the man beside him. Instead, he lets himself to get lost in the soft touch of Bokuto's hand and soon his eyelids feel like they carry the whole weight of universe.

 

Bokuto makes sure Akaashi gets home safely, even if the sun is still high. He looks desperate because he doesn't know what to do with the ball of misery that Akaashi is, however Akaashi convinces him it's okay to leave him home alone.

 

He keeps checking on Akaashi whole week, calling him and sending him more funny pictures. Akaashi ends up saving a bunch of them into his phone.

 

They see each other again on Friday, when Bokuto comes over ready for next weekend adventure, how he calls it. Luckily Akaashi is in better state. They discuss what to do next on Akaashi's bed, because according to Bokuto, his room is the nicest in the whole flat.

 

"Akaashi, have you been looking for a new job ?"

"Yeah, " Akaashi sighs in a response, "But found nothing."

"What were you doing ?"

"Assistant kind of thing."

"AKAASHI !" Bokuto yells and grabs his shoulders, "Why haven't you told me ?!"

"What-"

"You don't have to look for job ! You can work with me !"

"With you ? Bokuto-san, what are you talking about ?"

"Well," Bokuto pulls away and rubs the back of his neck, "Not exactly with me but for me. I can have an assistant but I still haven't hired one."

"Bokuto-san, what exactly is your job ?"

 

Bokuto turns serious at this question. _So there is a reason why he's never really spoken about it,_ Akaashi thinks.

 

"I run a company. Nothing too big."

"You what ?"

"It kinda fell into my lap after my dad died, yeah. I'm not as good as him but it's not going that bad."

 

_Oh. There it is._

 

"I'm sorry to hear that, Bokuto-san."

"It's okay. So what do you think ?"

"If you're sure, then I will be really grateful for a job."

"You start on Monday, don't be late !" Bokuto grins.

 

 

The one who's late on Monday morning is Bokuto. Akaashi waits for him in the main hall for about ten minutes, but he doesn't mind. Bokuto offered him a job, after all.

 

The place is big and luxurious, making Akaashi wonder what the words _'nothing too big'_ mean in Bokuto's head. The walls are decorated with few simple pictures or words in different languages. Even though he wears his best suit, he doesn't fit there. Hopefully it won't cause much trouble.

 

He hears Bokuto before he sees him. He greets some people cheerfully before he calls Akaashi's name. It's hard to imagine that this man runs the business.

 

Especially when he wears jeans with white t-shirt to work.

 

He leads Akaashi to his office, which is huge and jumps onto the sofa next to the window.

 

"Bokuto-san, why you're not wearing a suit ?"

_Oh, how thirsty you sound, Akaashi._

 

"Because I hate them ! They're not comfortable ! I keep some in my closet over there, I put one on only when I have some meeting."

"Sounds reasonable. So, what will I do ?"

"Akaashi, you don't have to do anything. You should focus on the school."

"Bokuto-san, I haven't decided to try it yet and you can't pay me for nothing."

 

Bokuto pouts and dramatically pretends to think before he snaps his fingers. "Got it. Your work will be to bring me coffee in the morning and have lunch with me."

 

Akaashi sighs while Bokuto grins like he solved the biggest mathematical problem. This will be hard, won't it ?

 

"Bokuto-san, you said I will be your assistant, so I will help you with your work."

 

The taller man pouts but then agrees. Akaashi is slowly getting better at handling him when he's like this.

 

"Akaashi ? Would you mind sharing the office with me ? It gets a bit .. lonely."

"Not at all."

 

Bokuto is back at his feet and makes his way out of the office, going god knows where, when he turns back to Akaashi and says: "Thank you. I'm glad you're here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who would have thought that Bokuto was a (rich) businessman ?


	8. Help me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Akaashi ! Are you finally gonna ask me out ?"  
> "No, not exactly."
> 
> Silence. Then: "He told you," he finally says and it doesn't sound like the same person at all.

"Akaashi, you're here this early ?"

"I'm here always this early, Bokuto-san. Thanks for noticing." _How nice of you._

 

Bokuto laughs and sits on Akaashi's desk in their office.

 

"What are you filling up? Is it-"

"Bokuto-san, please keep quiet."

" **THAT’S AN APPLICATION FOR COLLEGE!** “

 

Not like Akaashi thought his warning could stop Bokuto. But at least he tried. He got used to Bokuto's sudden states of happiness over the past month of working with him.

 

He doesn't do much, usually just brings coffee with him in the morning, draws random sketches, reminds Bokuto where he's hidden his bubblegum if he forgot, has lunch with him and then makes sure to wake Bokuto up if he fell asleep before a meeting.

 

The mentioned man grows closer to his heart with every day. Falling for Bokuto is simple, and Akaashi's never really fought it. He can't help himself.

 

The main reason why he thinks about applying for college is because even if he didn't believe he could do it, Bokuto does.  He hasn’t forgotten to remind him of it every single day. So naturally, after a while Akaashi decides 'why not give it a shot ?'. He didn't have anything to lose; he's already been working for two years, and he has job now. If he doesn't make it through, nothing will change. And he if does, things can get only better, right ?

 

"You're doing it, Akaashi !"

"I guess."

" _I guess,_ " Bokuto mimics him with a pout," This is big, Akaashi. It could totally change your life for better, you know ?"

"I like my life now," Akaashi admits. He might blush a little.

 

Bokuto seems okay with this answer and goes over to his desk. "Akaashi, do you know where my-"

"Second drawer."

"Thanks Akaashi, you're the best," he grins before throwing a candy on Akaashi.

 

Like always, Akaashi spends the time between morning and lunch break drawing, then he makes a company to Bokuto on the sofa while they eat a takeout food.

 

 

"Look who arrived to check on you !"

 

Akaashi doesn't have to turn around to know it's Kuroo. Bokuto is next to him in an instant, hugging him like he was on the Titanic but managed to survive. No, Akaashi isn't exaggerating and he's totally not jealous that it's Kuroo and not him getting this kind of hug.

 

"Bro, Akaashi will go to college ! He has the application!"

"Oh really ?" Kuroo smirks and Akaashi has to remember that this is just his face.

 

They spend another ten minutes talking about Akaashi like he wasn't in the same room, when Kuroo offers to help him with everything and Bokuto agrees instead of him. Akaashi is done with both of them and leaves to the bathroom.

 

When he comes back, the atmosphere between the two has changed. It's not nice and friendly anymore. It seems Kuroo is lecturing Bokuto and the poor man looks like he's on the edge of crying. It's the second time that Akaashi's ever felt the need to actually worry about Bokuto.

 

Once Kuroo sees Akaashi returned, he backs off, but doesn't forget to give Bokuto one last strict look before storming out of the office.

 

"Bokuto-san, is everything okay ?"

"Yeah, yeah. Akaashi, can I talk to you ?"

"Of course. What's going on ?"

 

Bokuto paces around the room, plays with his fingers, looks anywhere but at Akaashi. He already knows that he probably won't like whatever Bokuto is about to say. But he still doesn't expect it to actually pierce his heart.

 

"Will you be my best man ? At my wedding this month ?" Bokuto blurts out and finally locks his eyes with Akaashi's.

 

Everything stops in this exact moment. Akaashi's heart, his lungs, his brain. This whole time, he thought that Bokuto was single, but he's actually engaged? Who is he lying to, he thought that he had a chance. _No_. For some reason, his brain mistaken Bokuto's kindness for what, love ? How ridiculous was that ? How could someone like Bokuto possibly love someone like Akaashi ?

 

 _No_. Bokuto pitied him. That's why he showed mercy and helped Akaashi to get this life together. Helped him to change himself. His vision is pitch black, and he wishes it would stay like this because when the image of Bokuto marrying someone else crosses his mind, he would rather stay blind. But then his eyes finally focus again, focus on the beautiful man in front of him, who looks worried and nervous, and how could he say no ? No matter how much it hurt, he couldn't let Bokuto down by being selfish.

 

"Yes."

Relief takes over Bokuto and he's hugging Akaashi immediately, squeezing him against his chest. "Thank you, Akaashi."

"Bokuto-san, can you do something for me ?"

"Of course !"

"Can you give me Kuroo-san's number? I would like to ask him something."

-

He stares at the number for god knows how long. How lower can he fall ? Well, crying for help from someone who he barely knew was a new low, even for Akaashi.

He dials the number and waits. It takes few seconds before a voice speaks to him from the other side.

 

"Hello ?"

"Kuroo-san, it's me, Akaashi."

"Akaashi ! Are you finally gonna ask me out ?" Kuroo laughs.

"No, not exactly."

 

 _Silence_. Then: "He told you," he finally says and it doesn't sound like the same person at all.

 

"Yes. But that's not it," Akaashi continues before he is interrupted.

 

"Akaashi, listen. I don't know how much you know but Bokuto-"

"I don't wanna hear it, Kuroo-san. Bokuto asked me to go at his wedding and because I'm his friend, I will go. That's all of it."

 

The words have hard time leaving his throat, because there's so much he would like to say, scream even, but he can't.

 

"Then why are you calling me ?"

"I want you to help me to get to college."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dropping the bomb here ( I cried when while I was writing this, no joke)


	9. Noriko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stupid Noriko," he mutters as they wait for the lift, "I almost had him."  
> "Had him ?"  
> "Doesn't matter now," he sighs.

Akaashi apparently can't handle his own life, so now he lives according to his two friends. Every day, he spends the noon in office, barely speaking to his boss, mainly because he doesn't know what to say, and the afternoon with Kuroo.

It's helpful. Both mentally and psychically, because the young tattoo artist is not only unfairly talented, but also a good teacher. He fixes the holes in Akaashi's basic knowledge about art in no time and he is also able to show him on examples what he's doing wrong or should improve. And the improvement is already visible after few days he's spent with Kuroo so far. Akaashi invests some money in art supplies that Kuroo recommends and for some time, focusing on art takes the pain away. At least he's too busy to think about it.

 

He learns that he will have to hand in his portfolio, along with doing talent exams and normal exams. The written exam is from history of art, which scares Akaashi a little, but Kuroo assures him that it's just remembering things and because Akaashi's used to be an amazing student, it shouldn't be a problem for him.

 

He is most excited about the portfolio, of course. Kuroo suggests that he will bring some of his own to the office on Friday, so Akaashi can have a look and maybe he will think of something.

 

But then Friday comes and Akaashi realises that he will definitely have to face Bokuto again. There's no way he could back off their 'weekend adventure'.  He tries to guess what could possibly Bokuto pick from the list this time, however, nothing comes to his mind except a panic of being alone with him. Just when he thinks it can't get worse, it does.

 

"Akaashi, it's finally warm, so I know what we'll do."

"What ?"

"Skinny dipping."

 

Akaashi stares at the wall and he is sure that he looks like one of these characters from tv shows looking straight into the camera when someone says or do something stupid. Why did he even write it? Oh, that's right, because he would never think that he will be forced to actually do these things. Way to go, Akaashi.

 

Later when Kuroo comes over, Bokuto is long gone already. As Akaashi goes through his portfolios, many books and sketchbooks, each styled differently, Kuroo sits on Bokuto's favourite spot, the sofa, and looks out of the window. Akaashi knows there's something bothering him, but the right words won't make their way to his tongue. The something is most likely his fight with Bokuto a week ago, because he knows that they haven't spoken since then. Bokuto avoids the topic and Kuroo never brings it up. So Akaashi decides it's about time he helps them.

 

He slumps beside the black-haired man and looks at him. Kuroo acknowledges his presence, but doesn't say anything.

 

"Kuroo-san, what is bothering you ? Is it the fight with Bokuto-san ?"

"Of course it is," he chuckles dryly.

"I don't know what it was about, but you two should just talk about it. You're friends."

"That's why we had the fight in the first place. He just won't listen."

 

Akaashi can tell that Kuroo cares about the stubborn man deeply, and he knows just how stubborn Bokuto can be. Talking won't do in this case. Then he should just cheer Kuroo up.

 

"If it helps you, he will force me to go skinny dipping with him this weekend, so you're still in better place."

 

It seems to do the job and Kuroo laughs. "I bet you will _love_ it," he moves his eyebrows up at down as he look at Akaashi.

"Believe it or not, but I would rather .. I don’t know, be given a lap dance from you, than doing that."

 

Before he can register what's going on, his lap is full of black-haired, laughing man, who is straddling is thighs. "Are you sure, Akaashi ?"

 

Akaashi has to laugh too, because Kuroo is back to himself now, doing the stupidest expressions he can think of and awkwardly moving his shoulders and chest, which Akaashi supposes is an attempt to dance.

 

"You go, Kuroo-san !"

 

A month ago, Akaashi couldn't even imagine anything like this. He definitely wouldn't be okay with a friend (if he had one) pretending to give him a lap dance, but Bokuto and Kuroo showed him that there are many ways to have fun. It doesn't matter if it's teasing each other or messing with each other or calling each other names, as long as you don’t cross the line. But now, he finally knows how to let himself go and have fun. Although he still doesn’t like the idea of going skinny dipping with Bokuto.

 

The mention man storms into the office without any warning and once they both notice him, he looks beyond pissed. Have they crossed the line ? No, Bokuto and Kuroo have done way worse things than this. Yet it seems like their little act is the exact reason of Bokuto's anger. Maybe he's still mad at Kuroo, which would explain it. However, there's probably something else, because Kuroo sits on Akaashi's thighs and stares back, just as intensively.

 

"Bokuto-san, are you okay ? You said you would be gone for two hours."

"Yeah, so you two can have a little fun here ?!"

 

It's Akaashi's turn to stare now. Bokuto sighs and rubs the back of his neck, dropping his head. "I'm sorry Akaashi, I didn't mean that."

 

He pushes the terrible lap dancer off himself and gets up, walking past Bokuto to the door.

 

"Please talk about it.”

-

Akaashi returns to the office to find the two of them crying in each other's arms, sobbing out the word ' _bro_ ' over and over, and he is one step away from a headache. He watches them and Kuroo catches him, sending him a look he can't understand before turning his attention back to Bokuto.

 

A knock on the door stops the crying and Bokuto is fast on his feet, wiping his eyes eagerly.

"Do I look good ?"

"Yes," Kuroo gets up as well, "Akaashi, we're outta here."

"What-"

 

He is interrupted by the sound of high heels on clapping on the floor. He sees them as the first thing and when he looks up to see a woman in beside him, massive diamond ring on her finger, he puts the pieces together. _Thanks Kuroo, but too late._

She is pretty, Akaashi has to admit that. She looks as young as he himself and the ring doesn't match her loose flannel shirt or black ripped jeans or chunky high heels. Another thing he notices is that she isn't looking at Bokuto, but shooting glares towards Kuroo and he returns them.

 

Then Kuroo shakes his head, grabbing his sketchbooks and mumbles ' _let's go_ ', pulling Akaashi outside with him.

 

"Stupid Noriko," he mutters as they wait for the lift, "I almost had him."

"Had him ?"

"Doesn't matter now," he sighs, "That was his stupid fiancee."

"You don't like her ?"

"She didn't like me first, so no."

 

Akaashi is confused how could someone not like Kuroo. But he was sure as hell that if _Kuroo_ didn't like someone, there was a serious reason why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa :D


	10. Sinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fair enough. Then I have another question."  
> "Go on."  
> "You don't think she's right for Bokuto ?"

As they sit in the park, Akaashi can't really focus on their ' _art date_ ' (yes, Bokuto and Kuroo have to have a special name for everything). When Kuroo notices this, he throws an eraser on him and pokes his side with a pencil.

 

"What do you wanna know ?"

"Why she doesn't like you."

"I see," Kuroo taps the end of the pencil on his bottom lip as he tries to come up with the words, "Let's say that I have her figured out. And I shouldn't be talking about people behind their backs."

 

There he goes again. How can anyone _not_ like this guy ?

 

"Fair enough. Then I have another question."

"Go on."

"You don't think she's right for Bokuto ?"

"Exactly. Sharp as ever, Akaashi."

"Only sharp thing here is your ass, Kuroo-san."

"But you like it anyway," Kuroo laughs and goes back to his sketch.

 

His real question stays hidden behind his teeth. He doesn't ask, because he never wants to hear the answer. It's selfish, but he knows he wouldn't be able to handle it.

 

After three hours they spend in the park, Kuroo walks Akaashi back to the office, where Bokuto is already waiting. Luckily, alone.

-

"Akaashi, is Kuroo still mad at me ? Are you ?" Bokuto asks at they sit in Akaashi's room, awkward atmosphere surrounding them the whole time.

 

Akaashi studies the man in front of him for a bit now. The way some hair doesn’t stay up how it's supposed to, but instead falls onto his forehead. The cute dimple he has on his right cheek when he laughs, but disappears once he calms down. They way his hands are always close to his own, but never quite touching.

 

He notices that Bokuto often watches him when he's drawing, and sometimes Akaashi looks up at him, their gazes almost meet, but not quite, because Bokuto always turns away. He doesn't miss how their knees are barely touching as they sit close, but not close enough. He will never get enough of him.

 

"No, Kuroo is more worried than mad, and I don't have a reason to be mad," he looks at him and this time Bokuto's gaze stays still.

 

"I understand what he's trying to say, but I can't .. "

"Can't what ?"

 

Bokuto shifts and turns his head away.

 

"It's okay. I won't force you, but you know you can talk to me."

"I know."

"Good."

"But I bet I'm better lap dancer than he is."

 

Akaashi laughs. Only Bokuto could turn serious talk into jokes so fast. Well, him and Kuroo. Bokuto pouts and pinches Akaashi's side, "Don't you believe me ?"

 

His big hand remains on his hip longer than is necessary, but Akaashi misses the warmth once he moves it away. It's always like this.

 

Then an idea crosses his mind. _What if .._

 

"I'll believe it once I see it, Bokuto-san. Since Kuroo gave me a really nice lap dace, you would have to give me better to prove yourself. Until then, I say Kuroo-san is better."

 

His move is bold and daring. _But what could he lose ?_ In the worst case, Bokuto will laugh it off and forget about his need to be better than Kuroo in everything. However, this doesn't happen.

 

"I will prove you wrong, Akaashi," he stares right into his eyes before he finishes his bottle of beer.

 

Akaashi watches him, they way his lips and neck move before he forces himself to look away.

 

"If you say so, Bokuto-san."

-

After having two beers in total, Akaashi feels slightly tipsy, but it doesn't matter since they only watch a movie on his sofa. Bokuto surprisingly doesn't pay attention to it, even if his favourite actor is in almost most scenes. He is on his phone instead, the light illuminating his face as all his focus is on his mobile screen.

 

Akaashi doesn't watch it either, no famous actor could catch his eye like Bokuto did. He starts to realise how bad his pinning for him has got over last few days. The more he distances himself, the more he is craving the simple intimacy.

 

He is brought back to the reality as Bokuto turns the tv off, leaving them in complete darkness. Then something heavy settles on his thighs.

"Bokuto-san, what are y-"

"I'll prove you wrong."

 

The heavy thing is Bokuto, he recognizes as his eyes get used to the darkness. His breath close to Akaashi's face smells the like the beers he's had and his hands find their way to Akaashi's upper chest.

 

His heart beats like crazy underneath them and Akaashi prays Bokuto doesn't notice. He knows it's wrong, because the air around them is full of tension, and Akaashi knows what exactly this tension is. It shouldn't be there. But he's long lost in the ignorant bliss to feel guilty, having Bokuto close, so close. His own hands travel up Bokuto's muscular legs until they rest on his thighs.

 

It's so wrong, but he doesn't care. If he's already going to the hell for being gay and nothing else, he might as well become a _real_ sinner.

 

Bokuto's lips hungrily press against his and he doesn't hesitate to kiss him back. When the taller man pulls away to catch his breath, Akaashi is sure of one thing. Bokuto's kiss is sin itself. And he loves it.

 

He loves how agressive it is, he loves the taste of his lips, and he loves the hands gripping his shirt.

 

Sadly, Akaashi's better himself reminds him of the fact that Bokuto is an engaged man and his friend. When Bokuto tries to kiss him again, Akaashi moves his hands to his chest, pushing him away gently. Bokuto stares at him with wide eyes and lips still parted.

 

"Bokuto-san, we can't do this."

"Why ?"

"You are engaged Bokuto-san. You're just drunk now,” Akaashi mumbles.

"You are drunk too. We can forget about this tomorrow."

"No. Bokuto-san, try to think. You aren't like this, you don't cheat on people."

"You're right,” Bokuto sighs and moves away, "I'm sorry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write sins AND tragedies
> 
> Don't cheat kiddos, that's bad


	11. Two who love each other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They give each other small glances now and then, when the other one is not looking. Akaashi is sure of one thing- friends don't look at each other like this. He doesn’t say that out loud though.

Akaashi decides to let drunken Bokuto sleep in his room. He himself settles on the sofa, and his night is almost sleepless because he can hear quiet sobs coming from his bedroom. He doesn't follow them though, because part of him, and it's a pretty big part, doesn't regret the kiss at all. But Bokuto does, and that's all that matters. Akaashi can't be selfish like that again, he can't go to him and try to soothe him, because the only idea Akaashi has is kissing Bokuto again. And he can't do that.

 

So instead he watches the lights illuminating the ceiling as cars go by and listen to the quiet cry. It fades away gradually, until there's only the sound of Akaashi's breath getting heavier at the thought of Bokuto being in this state. The clock ticks away 4 am and a bit when he enters his bedroom, watching the sleeping man on his bed. The tears are long dry on his cheeks and he is clutching Akaashi's favourite pillow, hugging it to his chest. It's quite a heartbreaking sight.

 

The following morning Akaashi does all he can to cheer his friend up. He prepares a breakfast, his favourite and brings it to the bedroom, because Bokuto loves eating in bed.

 

He is already awake when Akaashi walks in, sitting in the middle of bed and giving Akaashi a small smile.

"Morning, Bokuto-san, I hope you're hungry."

"I am."

 

Bokuto looks much better when he's stuffing his mouth, humming something about how delicious the food is. Akaashi joins him on the bed, however leaving some space between them, and eats as well.

 

"I am sorry for last night. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's okay, Bokuto-san. Don't worry about it."

"Akaashi, will you-"

"I won't tell anyone," Akaashi finishes his thought and Bokuto nods.

"Not even Kuroo, yeah ?"

 

Akaashi agrees, although he really wanted to tell about it Kuroo.

 

They change the original plan ( _thank god_ ) and have a marathon of Lords of Rings instead, because Akaashi has always wanted to watch it, but never got to it. They both pay attention to the TV this time.

-

Once Kuroo comes to pick him up on Monday after lunch, Akaashi is already anxious to get out of the office. Bokuto goes back to his normal self, however the memory of their kiss just won't leave Akaashi's mind. It even get to the point when he starts to imagine how it could have gone if he hasn't stopped the taller man, which is bad. The imaginary picture won't go away.

 

As they walk side by side to their usual spot in the park, Akaashi notices something he hasn't before.

 

"Kuroo-san, why do you always pick me up and then walk me back ? When you live on the opposite side of city ? I mean we could just meet somewhere and then part once we're done."

 

Kuroo looks at him and laughs, "Like hell I could do that. Bokuto would kill me."

"What ? Why ?"

"I quote: _If you want to take Akaashi to these places in such dangerous city district, you have to walk him there and back._ "

"I am an adult, " Akaashi sighs, even if he's secretly happy that Bokuto cares this much about him. 

"Yeah, but apparently you're tiny fragile adult who needs to be protected."

"That's ridiculous, Bokuto is only like an inch taller."

"But he could carry you in one arm."

 

Akaashi doesn't like to admit it, but that's true. He's seen Bokuto's muscles, after all. He decides it will be for the best to just drop the topic.

 

-

 

When they come back to the office, Bokuto is not alone. A short blond man makes him a company, curled up on the sofa while Bokuto is behind his desk. And he's .. _working_ ? 

 

"Bokuto-san, are you actually working ?"

 

The questioned man looks up and laughs, shaking his head, "Of course not. I have to write this."

"Write what ?"

"His wedding vow," the stranger answers instead.

 

 _Oh_. Akaashi doesn't bother to answer; he doesn't know what to say anyway.

 

"Akaashi, come show me what you drew," Bokuto whines, throwing his pen on Akaashi, "I wanna see it."

"You're just looking for excuses not to finish what you have to do."

"I really want to see."

 

He sighs but obeys, walking to the pouting man and handing him his sketchbook. Bokuto flips through it until he finds the last drawing he's seen and then continues till he comes to the blank pages.

 

"Akaashi, why do you draw so many people lately ?"

"Because there's a figure drawing in the exam."

"Hmm. I like the eye sketches. It’s like they’re all watching me, they’re so real."

"Thank you," Akaashi replies and leans closer, whispering, "Who is he ?"

"Oh, that's Kenma. Kuroo's friend. He's a writer so I asked him to help."

 

Akaashi turns his attention to the small man with Kuroo at his side. Kenma is informing Kuroo about Bokuto's progress and Kuroo listens carefully to every word. They give each other small glances now and then, when the other one is not looking. Akaashi is sure of one thing- _friends don't look at each other like this_. He doesn’t say that out loud though.

 

Instead, he sits on the armchair across the two with his sketchbook and favourite pencil and starts another sketch. Kuroo gives him a knowing look but says nothing, giving all his attention to the man by his side again. Akaashi starts with soft, barely visible lines to catch the main shapes of the poses before going in with more confident lines, still not perfect, but enough to capture the moment and expressions better. He takes his time on each part of body, especially faces and hands, because their body language says it all.

 

About an hour later, when he proudly observes his work, he names it 'two who love each other, but never say it with words'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well .. Yeah  
> Be ready for the next one (I'm not)


	12. Running out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before he knows it, he and Kuroo are in each other's arms, swaying and loudly singing along one of Akaashi's favourite songs. Akaashi blames the alcohol for everything.

"Dark blue."

"Why not black ?"

"No, dark blue. Blue is your colour."

 

Akaashi sighs and leans back in the chair, running his hand through his hair.

 

"Why can't I wear the one I had the first day I worked here ?"

"Akaashi, no ! You can't wear that one !"

"Why not ?"

"Because it's not pretty enough," Bokuto pouts, "I want you to have nice suit. I will buy you some."

 

The fight about what suit Akaashi should wear for the wedding continues every day for what seems forever until one day they have to get ready for Bokuto's last night as a single man. He buys the dark blue suit in the end.

                                                                                                                            

They go along with Kuroo and few more Bokuto's friends to a bar, not too big, not too small. Akaashi stays strong the most of the night, but when one of the bunch starts teasing Bokuto about the marriage, he excuses himself from his seat beside Kuroo and goes to sit on the tall barstool instead, ordering whiskey.

 

As he drinks on his own, he hears Bokuto's laugh time from time, too loud yet lovable. Will Bokuto change after the next big step ? Will he not spend this much time with Akaashi and Kuroo ? Will he want a family ?

 

Of course he will. Bokuto is a family type. Akaashi bets that Bokuto would be the best parent any kid could have, mainly because from what he heard, his parents hadn't always treated him nice. He can almost see him with .. How many kids ? Two, at least two. Yeah, with at least two kids.

 

They would have Bokuto's eyes and energy and the special ability to find something beautiful about everything. He would be careful holding them, afraid he will crush the tiny human in his arms. He wouldn't want to miss their first crawling, first step, first word, _anything_. He wouldn't want to miss a thing.

 

He would probably have lots of photos of them everywhere, in his phone and laptop, in his wallet, on his desk. And he would absolutely brag about them anytime he could.

 

They would always wake him up by jumping on his bed, but he wouldn't mind, because he would pull them down to cuddle them. Bokuto is a cuddly type. And when they're older, they would make him breakfast to bed, so he would say yes to whatever they would ask him.

 

Bokuto will be a good husband. An affectionate one, for sure.

 

Akaashi wants all that for him. All the things he can't give him. He just wants Bokuto to be happy.

 

Suddenly there's an arm around his shoulders. He goes to shake it off, but then notices the familiar tattoo on the pale skin.

 

"Akaashi, why did you leave me there ?"

"Sorry," Akaashi finishes the rest of his drink, "Didn't feel like being there any longer, to be honest."

"Oh man, you have to do something. Before it's too late."

"Kuroo-san, I'm sorry, but don't give me this shit. You said you've known Kenma for how long, four years ? Five ? And I bet your crush on him lasts for a pretty long now, so tell me, _what's your plan ?_ "

"Life's too short to have a plan, Akaashi. Here, let me help," he says and orders two drinks, "I'm just a trash that's in love with his best friend."

"And yet you try to give _me_ an advice," Akaashi laughs.

"Your and mine situations are different. Kenma isn't getting married tomorrow. I still have time. You're the one who's running out of it."

" _Truly_ _helpful_."

"Who let the sassy Akaashi out ?"

 

Akaashi raises his glass towards the black-haired man before taking a big gulp. "Alcohol."

"Fair enough," Kuroo says and joins him.

 

Before he knows it, he and Kuroo are in each other's arms, swaying and loudly singing along one of Akaashi's favourite songs. Akaashi blames the alcohol for everything.

 

Kuroo almost falls and Akaashi is too busy holding him, so they miss the next two lines, but they catch the next ones.

 

Something wets his shoulder, Akaashi checks and yes, Kuroo is actually crying, and it's ridiculous, but he feels like crying himself. He doesn't want to give up on Bokuto. He doesn't want it to be over, not now, not ever.

 

-

 

He somehow wakes up in his bed without remembering how he got there. It doesn't matter. Nothing really matters anymore. Not how he looks in dark blue, not how his hair won't stay the way he wants it, not how many messages Kuroo left him. Nothing.

 

He will get over it. Maybe in month, maybe two or three, four, five, whatever. He will.

 

There's only one thing he has to focus on now- supporting his friend. However, when he arrives to the spot where the wedding is supposed to be and he sees Bokuto, dressed up and nervous, he can't focus at all. _This doesn't feel right._

 

Bokuto drags him into a small room inside the huge house, which belongs to his family, as Akaashi learns, and locks the door behind them. It has only few small windows that let the sunshine in and Bokuto looks great like this, illuminated as he plays with his fingers. Akaashi watches him, taking in every small detail while he still can, while he still can look without anyone noticing.

 

"Akaashi, I have something to ask you. You don't have to agree, of course."

"Yes ?"

"Can I try the vow with you ? Please? I'm so nervous; I bet I will forget it."

 

Akaashi's heartbeat fastens and he already knows he will regret this, but he nods and lets Bokuto take his hands into his.

 

"You always have such cold hands," Bokuto chuckles and tightens his grip a bit.

"Yeah, I know. Go on, I know you will do great."

"Thank you, Akaashi. Erm, Kenma said it had to be at least a bit romantic and nice and stuff or he wouldn’t help me so .. Yeah."

 

Akaashi nods again and Bokuto clears his throat, his gaze fixed on the man in front of him.

 

“Before I met you, everything was black and white, but you showed me all the colours between. Before I met you, I knew only shadows, but you showed me the light. That's why I promise you, I will keep a smile on your lips and warmth in your heart, no matter what it costs me. I promise I will help to lift your burdens and ease your fears. I will be there for you from the morning to the night; I will stay with you in silence and noise. I promise I will love you and cherish you for the rest of my days.”

 

They stare at each other with wide eyes, Akaashi because he tries hard not to cry, Bokuto probably because he's nervous.

 

Akaashi remembers the first day he met Bokuto and for a second, _he wishes he missed the bus._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah, poor Akaashi


	13. About you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if the whole wedding wasn't good enough at stabbing Akaashi's heart, Kuroo makes sure to help by bringing a stranger with him as a date, not Kenma. While Bokuto is too busy getting to know his new lover, Akaashi drags him aside to ask what the fuck he is doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting two chapters on one day because I will be leaving for a trip soon and I want to finish this before I do

A knock interrupts them. Akaashi almost laughs, because this is what always happens in movies, isn't ? Bokuto unlocks the door and an older lady walks in. She seems familiar and Akaashi can't lay a finger on why, but then she stands in the light, and there it is. She looks like Bokuto. Or Bokuto looks like her.

 

"Mom, this is Akaashi, I've told you about him, remember? He's my best man."

 

The woman looks at him, and even if Akaashi is taller, she's looking down at him. She clicks her tongue and nods.

 

"I do. He's the one worth your mercy, right ?"

 

Bokuto frowns and stands slightly in front of Akaashi.

 

"He's your assistant."

"He's my friend."

"He is your assistant, _isn't he_ ?"

 

Bokuto's shoulders slump down and his head drops, nodding. "He is."

 

The woman's glare says everything- _I'm better than you because you work for my son_. Without a word, she leaves and Bokuto sighs, apologizing for her behavior. Akaashi doesn't pay attention to any of it.

 

-

 

As if the whole wedding wasn't good enough at stabbing Akaashi's heart, Kuroo makes sure to help by bringing a stranger with him as a date, not Kenma. While Bokuto is too busy getting to know his new lover, Akaashi drags him aside to ask what the _fuck_ he is doing.

 

"Kuroo-san, please explain why this person is your so called boyfriend ? Twenty words or less, please."

"Because I met him and he's hot."

"He's not Kenma."

"Well I don't have a chance with him !" Kuroo shouts, louder than necessary, "I don't have to tell you anything ! You don't have any right to try to lecture me! _Not you_ !"

 

Akaashi takes a step back from the man, too shocked to control his body. He's never seen Kuroo actually mad. The black-haired man sighs and grips the hair on the back of his neck before groaning.

 

"Akaashi, I'm sorry. But truth to be told, I have no hope, okay ? I mean, even people who obviously love each other don't end up together. So what hope is there for me ?"

 

Akaashi understands that feeling. The feeling of complete hopelessness. He watches Kuroo slowly calm down before they are called to line up. Neither of them really wants to, but they have to do it for Bokuto.

 

As they stand and wait, Bokuto looks everywhere except at Akaashi and he cannon not notice how Kuroo's fists tighten.When the ceremony starts, Kuroo shifts closer and pats Akaashi's hand like he's already reconciled with the situation, but his looks stay encouraging. Bokuto stays calm, without turning his eyes towards him once.

 

However, the time for Bokuto's vow comes, he glares at Akaashi and stays quiet. It's the look he's already seen a few times, but he doesn't know what it means. _Panic_ ? Bokuto shouldn't be panicking. He knows the vow perfectly, word by word, and yet he looks like he's forgotten even his name. Did he really forget ?

 

Akaashi mouths the first words in order to help him. And then it happens.

 

Bokuto doesn't seem confused and panicked anymore. Instead, he turns to his bride and shakes head.

 

"I can't."

 

The whispers of the guests fill the place, even if they're outside. His mother stands out and mutters something but Bokuto doesn't bother to turn to her.

 

"I'm sorry Noriko, but I didn't write this for you. It's not meant for you."

 

He bows and apologizes before he sprints away, far away from the shocked wedding guests and Akaashi. Kuroo and him exchange a look, and Kuroo actually looks happier than ever, before Akaashi runs after Bokuto. What an irony.

 

He finds him in the same room as before, breathing heavily and gripping his hair, messing it up.

 

"Bokuto-san ?" Akaashi starts carefully, stepping closer.

"You came," Bokuto says as he lets go of his hair, hands hanging by his sides, "Can you lock the door ?"

 

Akaashi nods and does as he's told before turning back to his friend.

 

"What's wrong ?"

"This wedding is wrong," Bokuto chuckles, "I should have listened to Kuroo."

"Bokuto-san, what happened ?"

"I don't want to get married ! I don't want to marry her, I never did ! But my mom, she wouldn't leave me alone !" he groans, "Because apparently, you can't run a company if you're not married ! Even worse, if you're not straight !"

 

"Are you telling me that this marriage was arranged ? That you were forced into it ?"

"Yes."

 

_Sometimes you have to break the rules to get what your heart desires._

_I know you're angry. And I bet that you are the kind of person who lets it pile up inside but never lets it out._

_You should make a list of things that you couldn't and didn't do because of them or other people._

_Do you like your life exactly how it is ?_

_I think it's not too late._

_You should focus on the school._

_This is big, Akaashi. It could totally change your life for better._

 

Suddenly Akaashi is furious. He pushes Bokuto, maybe a bit harder that he should have, because the man stumbles back and looks at him shocked.

 

"And you think you had the right to come into my life and change it ?! Tell me what to do with it ?! When you let yourself to be controlled, by your mother I bet, and forced into marriage ?! _What the hell_ , Bokuto ?!"

 

The man doesn't reply.

 

"What right did you have to come into my life like that ?! Before you, my life wasn't a mess like this ! I had an empty flat, a real job and that was all I needed. So why did you have to destroy it ?! _Akaashi, your life sucks, change it_ , but you are just like me ! _No_ , worse, I didn't try to let it out on someone else. So I have one last question, Bokuto. For who was the vow ?”

 

Bokuto stays still, dazed by the harsh words. Akaashi already knows he doesn't deserve them, but he can't stop himself.

 

"You know what, I don't even want to know. Kuroo was right."

 

And just like that, he storms out of the room, unable to hear the answer from the shocked man he's left behind in tears.

 

_"I wrote it about you, Akaashi."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Bokuto's not getting married .. Wow, so much angst, I'm sorry  
> Kuroo's (almost) always right


	14. Worse than a dagger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Bokuto hate him ? Probably.  
> Does Kuroo hate him ? Most likely.

_'What the hell happened ?'_

_'Why is Bokuto crying for two hours straight ?'_

_'Are you dead ?'_

_'Akaashi, answer me right now'_

_'You’re not coming to work ? '_

_'You can't hide forever'_

_'I know where you live'_

 

 

"I've been ignoring you for three days and I'm planning to continue forever," Akaashi mumbles as he checks the texts which are filling the memory of his pretty old phone, " _Mr. knows it all._ "

 

He turns his attention back to his reflection, a stranger staring back at him. Should he shave ? Probably, but what for. He's not going to work. He doubts he still has some.

 

All he's built up went straight to hell. He let one moment ruin what he's gained in two months. How pathetic. Does Bokuto hate him ? Probably. It's not like he could blame him. Bokuto didn't deserve a single word Akaashi shot at him. Does Kuroo hate him ? Most likely, Bokuto is his best friend. And he's hurt Kuroo as well.

 

How did this happen ? Akaashi's always been afraid of losing control. However, when his fear became reality, he couldn't stop himself. Worse, _he wanted more_. He wanted to let out all of his anger, take it out at Bokuto.

 

He's disappointed everyone, just like always. But this time, the most disappointed person was himself. He's never meant to hurt anyone who's already been hurt, just like he himself. Maybe he was holding too tightly for too long.

 

He misses Bokuto, even if it's been only three days. But how could he even look at him ? Bokuto counted on him, trusted him, and he only let him down. He didn't have the right to see Bokuto, to be his friend, to love him.

 

-

 

Akaashi isn't surprised to find Kuroo at his door later that day. Kuroo is a man of his word, unlike himself. He expects the judging look, the yelling, maybe even physical attack. He deserves it, after all.

 

But Kuroo is Kuroo and he does neither of it.

 

"Akaashi, you idiot, are you okay ?" he rushes to him, pulling him into tight hug, "Don't lie."

"No. How is Bokuto ?" Akaashi asks quietly, afraid what Kuroo might answer him.

"Aah, he's been better. But he's not married, so that's good."

"I mean .. "

" _Yeah_ ," Kuroo pull away and lets himself inside the flat, looking around, "His mom is pissed off. Everyone from the bride's side as well. She threatens she won't allow him to run the company. But the only thing Bokuto worries about right now is you."

 

"Kuroo-san, did he really .. cry for two hours straight ?"

 

Kuroo turns to him and nods, "He thinks you hate him because he ruined your life. What did you even tell him ?"

 

Akaashi's heart drops.

 

"Exactly that."

"What ?"

"I told him exactly that."

 

Kuroo glares at him in disbelief before shaking his head, "You two need to solve this shit, real fast. But first, go shave, this is terrible."

 

-

 

Kuroo claims that Bokuto refuses to leave the office, however when they arrive to the spot, the room is empty. Akaashi looks at the man beside him confused, but Kuroo shakes head, walking further inside.

 

"Bokuto, get out."

 

A quiet ' _no_ ' comes from under the desk, along with the sound of paper being flipped over, and Akaashi slowly catches up.

 

"Bokuto, start acting like an adult, oh my god."

"No. I suck at being adult."

"Yes, you do. Now get up and face it."

"No."

 

Akaashi walks closer and around the table, looking down at Bokuto curled up under his desk, gazing on Akaashi's sketch of Kuroo and Kenma, his fingers gently sliding across the paper. When he hears the steps, he doesn't bother to look up but then he notices something is off and closes the sketchbook, peeking out of his hideout. Akaashi is sure Bokuto didn't expect to see him, because his eyes widen, his mouth opens and then closes again without saying anything.

 

He doesn't blame him, he himself feels like he's forgotten his entire native language. Bokuto's eyes search for explanation, for answers, anything. Akaashi feels small under his gaze, even if he's the one who's standing, because his knees go weak and his hands shake and sweat.

 

The man's look isn't hateful, not even mad, put purely hurt. And that's much worse than hateful one. He could handle Bokuto hating him, but seeing him in a pain he caused was worse than a dagger in his heart.

 

"Bokuto-san, let me take you home."

 

He doesn't protest, walking in silence beside Akaashi till they're standing in front of his flat. That's when Bokuto finally looks at him again.

 

"Akaashi, I'm sorry for everything. It's okay if you don't forgive me, I just .. I just wanted you to know," he says, his voice lacking its usual excitement.

 

Akaashi doesn't know what he wants to do more, kiss him or slap him, because he's the last person who should apologize, yet he's the first one to do so. It's so Bokuto-like.

 

"Can I come in ? So we can talk ?"

 

Bokuto nods and unlocks the door, letting him inside and leading him to the big room with expensive looking furniture and well, everything. He settles on the sofa and Akaashi hesitantly joins him, avoiding meeting his gaze.

 

He doesn't know where to start. _I'm sorry Bokuto, but I love you and that's why I've been a jealous jerk who treated you like shit even if you've always only helped me ?_

 

"I didn't mean any of it, Bokuto-san. Not a single word. I was just angry and took it out on you and I shouldn't have. I am sorry."

 

Bokuto stays quiet as he watches Akaashi, expecting more.

 

"The thing is, I .. I love you. Because you're gentle and caring, and you've always been there for me, even though I haven't. Yes, you changed my life, but for better, so much _better_. The only mess you caused was the one in my head, but that's not your fault," he sighs, "It's my own. You stormed into my life and turned everything upside down and before I knew it, you had become the most important person in my life. I'm sorry, this is coming out cheesy and it doesn't make any sense, does it ?"

 

Bokuto shakes head and reaches out, pulling Akaashi to his chest, "You don't hate me ?"

"No. Only when you sing the Titanic theme song for three hours," he attempts to joke and it works, because Bokuto laughs, squeezing Akaashi as he does so.

 

" _That_ _bad_ ?"

"Yes. Also when you and Kuroo pretended to be on Titanic and broke the coffee table."

"I admit, that was silly."

"And .. When I come to think about it, _everything_ related to Titanic."

 

Bokuto laughs again and Akaashi's never been happier to be nearly squeezed to death when he flexes his arms.

 

Once he calms down, Akaashi doesn't waste any time and kisses him. And this time, there's no reason to feel guilty, because Bokuto kisses him back, alcohol-and-bride-free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You were worried, weren't you ? Well, I was too


	15. Envelope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi is hypnotized by the envelope again. How long has it been there ? Three days ? Yes, it's been three days since Bokuto brought it and put it on the table in front of him. Akaashi hasn't moved it since then, not even touched it. Just stared at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pure fluff here

Akaashi is hypnotized by the envelope again. How long has it been there ? Three days ? Yes, it's been three days since Bokuto brought it and put it on the table in front of him. Akaashi hasn't moved it since then, not even touched it. Just stared at it.

 

Part of him wants to open it and the other doesn’t and he can’t pick a side.

 

"Keiji, you're doing it again," Bokuto whines as he slumps on the sofa beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulls him closer, "Why don't you just open it ?"

"I'm scared, I guess."

"You will have to do it sooner or later," his boyfriend replies as he places a kiss on the side of his head.

"Later."

 

Bokuto laughs and drags him onto his lap, stroking his hair, "Later it is then. Or I could open it and read it first."

"No. Your face would tell me everything and I'm not ready for that," he answers, leaning against Bokuto's chest.

"I can keep a straight face."

 

That was true, Bokuto's proven it a few times, like when they were always caught making out on the sofa in their office. However, it was a whole different story when it came to Akaashi.

 

He sighs, "I'll do it tomorrow."

 

He forgets about the envelope for a while in order to observe something more interesting, his boyfriend. And how crazy it is to be able to call him that for almost six months already.

 

The envelope is reminded again later that day, when Kuroo calls to ask if he's opened it already. Bokuto blames him for stressing Akaashi out and hangs up before Akaashi can even reply, but he's silently thankful.

 

They settle on the bed and Akaashi cuddles to his boyfriend's side while he reads him his favourite book, because he loves Bokuto's voice. He never gets tired of it. Bokuto always does this for him when he's stressed or sad, and Akaashi bets Bokuto doesn't even have to read it anymore, he's read it so many times that he had to memorize it. But still, Bokuto puts on his reading glasses, which make him look adorable, and start from the beginning.

 

Time from time, he whines about his glasses slipping down his nose, however he grins when Akaashi fixes this problem for him, taking it as an opportunity to kiss his hand, before focusing on the text again.

 

Akaashi always falls asleep. Sometimes in the middle of the story, sometimes right before the end, but he always does. Bokuto never seems to be mad because of it. When Akaashi wakes up, he is covered with the duvet and Bokuto is asleep beside him.

 

Well, usually, but not tonight. When he opens his eyes again, the other side of the bed is empty, yet still warm. He yawns and gets up, dragging his feet along the floor until he's squeezing his eyes shut because of the harsh kitchen light hitting him.

 

Once he's used to it, he looks at the man sitting by the table with a bowl of cereals.

 

"Bokuto, you better not complain you have nothing to eat in the morning," he mumbles as he hugs him from behind, leaning into his warmth.

"I won't," Bokuto whispers and rubs Akaashi's back, "I just need to know what's in there."

 

Akaashi nods and steals a spoon full of the cereal for himself before he disappears in the darkness of the flat. He comes back with the damn envelope and jumps onto the counter, grabbing a knife and cutting the envelope to get whatever is trapped inside.

 

Bokuto watches him eagerly, ready to either celebrate or soothe his boyfriend.

 

"So ?"

 

Akaashi looks up at him, the paper shaking in his hand.

 

"I've been accepted."

 

He is immediately covered in kisses everywhere before Bokuto picks him up and spins him around in his arms. He doesn't even have time to think about that Titanic accident that started just like this two weeks ago, before Bokuto's lips are on his and his life couldn't be any better than this.

 

The next day, Akaashi finds a time to call Kuroo while Bokuto is in the shower.

 

"Akaashi, finally ! So ?"

"I got in."

 

He hears Kuroo shouting something to someone before congratulates Akaashi.

 

"Thank you, Kuroo-san, for everything."

"Hey, you got it on your own."

"Not just that."

"Aah. Well, you owe me, Akaashi."

 

He hates to admit it, but he _does_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah, if you've read all the chapters before, you deserve this one :D  
> Anyway, thank you for reading and not killing me in the process¨
> 
> Btw, Akaashi's cactus, Konoha, survived and lived happily ever after ! Why all the cactus talk in this ? Because my friend killed his and it made me sad
> 
> (i also accidentally deleted one comment on my phone and cried)

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't already, check out the other fics in this series too and thanks for all the feedback on this, it always made my day


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